The Lord of the Rings was a great movie* and all, but like many Tolkien fans I think it could have been done better. Unlike the rest of them, I think it could have used more superstardom and outlandish, over-the-top screenwriting. Therefore, I've re-cast LotR for a more unabashedly awesome remake:

Director Michael Bay
Because that mile-high explosion of Mount Doom and the subsequent geological collapse of an entire region just wasn't enough.

Chuck Norris as Aragorn
"Strider does not sleep. He waits." A duel with an enormous troll would be more believable.

Mort the lemur of Madagascar as Frodo
Because, just perhaps, he could convey the role of being a self-pitying wuss a little better.

The guy(s)(?) who voiced the other unicorns in "Charlie the Unicorn" as Sam
"Mr Frodo! Mr Frodo! Mr Frodo! We're going to Mount Doom, Mr Frodo!"

Mr T as Boromir
He pities the fool who simply walks into Mordor.

Kevin Bacon as Legolas
Got to keep the degrees of separation low.

John McCain as Theoden
Creepy, cranky old zombie of a guy as head of state? Check.

Samuel L Jackson as Eomer
"Enough is enough! I have had it with these mother-russian orcs on this mother-russian plain!"

Dwight Schrute as The Mouth of Sauron
Assistant to the Dark Lord

Russel Crowe as Saruman
Why not? You can't go wrong with Crowe.

Johnny Depp as Grima Wormtongue
Imagine the political advice: "No. You want you to not do this, because the not doing of this finds you incapacitorially finding and or locating in your discovering the detecting of a way to save your kingdom. Savvy?"

Keanu Reeves as Celeborn
Hey, at least he would have a bit more personality

The Black Knight of Monty Python and the Holy Grail as Lurz
Nobody else can lose limbs and keep acting.

Wilson of Home Improvement as Glorfindel the Strangely Absent
Because we never see him.

There are still roles available, so audition now!

*Like the book, I think of it as a single movie in 3 parts rather than a trilogy. It's a well-documented fact.

I could not think of a better time to review this book, my third from Thomas Nelson. The American Patriot's Bible, edited by Dr Richard G. Lee, is a NKJV translation, filled with historical commentary and excerpts that highlight the influence of scripture in the shaping of America.

When I requested this Bible I was concerned that it may overreach in its pairing of Christian thought with the founding of America; that it might portray the USA as the new Israel or a wholly Christian establishment. As it turns out I was quite impressed. The additional content highlights the unmistakable Biblical foundations of American political and social philosophy, without asserting any inherent spiritual significance to this country or suggesting that the founding of America was a solely Christian endeavor. It does show many examples of how Christian values and godly people shaped the history of America. At a time when much of our culture and government is trying to deny and even erase these ideas, it has never been more important to remember this nation's origins and from where our liberty and justice are derived.

Most of the editorial content is in the form of essays on various political and social topics that point out the underlying Biblical philosophies of many American values. These essays, as well as collections of relevant quotes by famous Americans, are found in special full-color insert pages throughout the Bible, often tied in to the themes of the surrounding chapters. Short annotated quotes are found within the text, relating a specific verse or phrase to a piece of American history. One article, "The Seven Principles of the Judeo-Christian Ethic", seems somewhat contrived and a bit out of place, coming before even the introduction. It does however contain a statement that perhaps best sums up the reason for this edition: "Whether each of the Founding Fathers was a Christian is not the issue. Their writings, their statements, and their votes evidence the fact that the majority of them embraced these great principles as the basis for a civilized nation."

Note that this is not a study Bible as some are calling it, although it does include thorough book introductions and a decent concordance- as well as other additional features, such as maps and room for family records, that I was surprised to find.

To commemorate this historic day- the 233rd anniversary of America's independence- I'd like to share an excerpt from Chuck Baldwin's column "Independence Now And Forever":

Regarding the signing of the Declaration of Independence, John Adams said, "[Independence Day] will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival. It ought to be commemorated as the Day of Deliverance by solemn acts of devotion to God Almighty. It ought to be solemnized with pomp and parade, with shows, games, sports, guns, bells, bonfires and illuminations, from one end of this continent to the other, from this time forward forevermore."

Adams went on to say, "You will think me transported with enthusiasm, but I am not. I am well aware of the toil and blood and treasure that it will cost us to maintain this Declaration, and support and defend these States. Yet through all the gloom I can see the rays of ravishing light and glory; I can see that the end is more than worth all the means, that posterity will triumph in that day's transaction, even though we should rue it, which I trust in God we shall not."

Indeed, the signers of America's Declaration of Independence endured the sacrifice of both toil and blood. Pertaining to the lives of the signers, David Limbaugh writes, "Of those 56 who signed the Declaration of Independence, nine died of wounds or hardships during the war. Five were captured and imprisoned, in each case with brutal treatment. Several lost wives, sons or entire families. One lost his thirteen children. Two wives were brutally treated. All were at one time or another the victims of manhunts and driven from their homes. Twelve signers had their homes completely burned. Seventeen lost everything they owned."

Yes, America's Declaration of Independence, which is our nation's birth certificate, was purchased at a very high price. Rightly did its primary author, Thomas Jefferson, invoke God's name no less than four times in the Declaration. Without God, our struggle for independence and freedom would surely have failed.

Jefferson, along with the vast majority of America's founders, knew that freedom was, first, the gift of God, not the accomplishment of men. He further understood that man's law must be subordinate to the natural laws of God.

Therefore, with an appeal to Heaven for the "rectitude of [their] intentions," America's Founding Fathers courageously forged a document that would put their own lives at risk, but would also change the course of history.

Let us never forget the price- and the blessings- of liberty.

In the previous post I explained the reason for this topic and briefly described the Civilization franchise. Let's continue.

I started playing computer games not long after my family got our first computer, when I was about 6 or 7. First it was the simple Windows 3.1 games like Mosaic and Minesweeper, then commercial games. SimTower was the first game I (and by "I", I mean "my parents, on my behalf") bought, and I quickly became a fan of Will Wright's games.

When I bought SimCity a few years later, which by then had already been around for a while, it came packaged with another game, just a CD case laminated on the front of the box, which I had never heard of. I set this one aside, eager to play the venerable SimCity. To my dismay, I could not get the game to run despite my best efforts at playing around with different system and game settings (my hacking started early), so I reluctantly turned to this free copy of "Civilization" (Civ1 DOS, for those interested) to ease my frustration.

It worked, and I spent much of the following months forgetting that I ever wanted to play Sim City. I don't remember the details of my first game, but I have plenty of memories of learning how to play- deciding that I should build additional cities before being surrounded by rivals; experimenting with diplomacy, which was then done via Diplomat units; discovering that a Trireme is a boat, and that I could now explore other landmasses; my first victory as Russia on the Earth map in which I city-spammed my way to dominance and then conquered the world; and saving all of my progress on a growing stack of floppy disks. To this day, the (now extremely rare) sound of a floppy disk writing makes me think of Civilization.

And so it came to pass that I developed a serious case of what we civvers affectionately call "One More Turn Syndrome" at such a young age. The arrival of Civilization: Call to Power did little to ease my affliction.

Over the weekend I went camping with some friends (including a toddler and a dog) in Hocking Hills, a woodland state park nearby. It was typical American family camping, with a crowded campground on a paved road, campers, a bath house, a pool, and plenty of supplies; but two of us did at least sleep in a tent. We hiked a 2.5 mile path along the rim of a scenic cliff-walled valley, which for me was the highlight of the weekend. I would have liked to do more exploring, but we still had plenty of fun, even without a kayak. The weather was perfect after a cool rainy week that had us worried. We fished, cooked outside (managing to narrowly avoid disaster at least once), encountered a few snakes and other wildlife, and tried several of 24 interesting flavors of soft-serve ice cream at a camping store. While not the epic survival tale of man against nature that I prefer camping to be, it was really nice to get away from everything for a while and spend some time in (relative) isolation with some of my favorite people.